Christina Aguilera - Inspire

Tart candied apple gone acrid and bitter, with an odd whiff of Indian food mart. A bit unnerving.

Safi

Sugar syrup candied pineapple one tooth gone crystalline sugar pink sugar two teeth dropping out (bloody hunks on carpet) wire drill forcing mouth open sugar sugar IV sugar injection sugar bad doctor sugar syrup crystals cane cane molars bicuspids gone entire top tier of teeth gone maggots out of molars sugar fruit ananas glace sugar TEETH EYES GONE.

(Damn this wretched mess.)

Estee Lauder - Sensuous

At last, a department store fragrance that doesn't cling of lychee/red berries/midnight cosmos/pink pepper. It is a gourmand, but a dark, rich one - death by profiterole, croquembouche, and creme anglaise. Fades to a velvety skin scent.

Jean Desprez - Bal a Versailles

Whompingly impolite oriental that rushes out of the gates with a blast of incense. Smoky, woody, the smoulder of this belies the cutesy bottle and frou-frou name. This is the flipside of the gamine coin - if Leslie Caron and Jean Seberg had pixie haircuts and tiptoe espadrilles, this is the winged cat's eyeliner and piquant mole by the mouth. Flirtatious without the cloying, sickly, heavy nature of other orientals, this is perfect for autumn, for bed, this is a shocking pink Schiaparelli cocktail dress with nothing on underneath.

Pacifica -Tuscan Blood Orange

Pedestrian fruity melange, should come out of a tangerine-coloured squeeze bottle.

Fendi - Fendi

Softcore dubbed Italian Cinemax jerk-off flick, circa 1988.
(To be worn while tearing off your shoulderpadded bolero jacket to expose a black lace bustier underneath)
If this was committed to paper the pages would be stuck together.

Baby Phat - Seductive Goddess

Pie a la mode and berry sherbet mix in the first hour, it then deepens to a faded xerox of . . . Etat Libre d'Orange's Vraie Blonde, I shit you not.

Serge Lutens - Louve

Anticipating another animalic beauty to the Lutens stable, Louve was a disappointment in its utter docility - a cherry almond clafoutis where I wanted glandular secretions and fangs. More imagination, next time!