Christian Dior - Eau Sauvage and Diorella (both edt)

Both are utterly fantastic, so if you don't own these already, you know where your Christmas present money is going.
All renditions of various bedside filth -
Eau Sauvage is a man you want to know (Biblically) -
Diorella smells like a well-used bidet. Squishy, fecal aspects of jasmine cranked up to 11 on cloudy, scum-grey bathtub water. On the edge of the tub there's a half-melted cake of citrus soap sitting in a chipped white ceramic dish with a single pubic hair on the rim. Oh lord, now it's developing the waxy, greasy hair cheesecurdiness of Dior-Dior that makes you envision the word "spermaceti."
Diorella  = celery-green. 
Eau Sauvage = warm, slightly acrid breath and oily skin.
I'm going to put on "Histoire de Melody Nelson" now.

Hurray!

Friday at work, wearing Coeur de Vetiver Sacre by L'Artisan Parfumeur -

WOMAN-FRIEND: Oh, it's you that smells that way. Let me be straight up with you. I do not like that fragrance.
Me: (thinking) Success!

On the agenda: Diorella, Bandit, Dzongkha, Secretions M., . . . any other suggestions for ugly perfume week?

I Profumi di Firenze - Talco Delicato +

Once you get past the new nappies beginning, it is what it it says. Layers well with Claus Porto's Almond Milk soap.

Olo - Foret
Densely compacted cedar, like being in a woodchipper. Overgrown, branches catching. Maybe I'll use it for scenting drawers (cupboards not knickers) (unless you want to attract Otesanek).

Robert Piguet - Bandit (vintage)
Smells much like new (five years ago) Bandit to me. A bit more inky and soot-black, but the current version still conveys the sharpness and unfriendliness of the original.